The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Just puked most of my soul out..
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
