Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
