i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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