It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just want nice things and good sex
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
