two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
