your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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