those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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