just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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