dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
