??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
