I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
