I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
