When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
