Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
