i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
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