My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
