is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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