I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
