we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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