Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
