I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
