After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
