How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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