Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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