I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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