All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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