I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
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