omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
