Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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