I feel like abortions should bother me more
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
birth control should be required to get into college
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
