You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You made out with two different species that night
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
