I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
