How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
