Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
