toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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