White coat. Heels.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
