I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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