YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
