all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
