he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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