I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
