Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I wish you could order shots online.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
