Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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