Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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