i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
