Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
