I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
