I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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