The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
whose parrot is this?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
