i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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