fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
How does it feel to date your dad?
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